They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
