I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
