You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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