I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
