He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
