PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
