Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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