i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
