Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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