As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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