we have officially lost it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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