Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
