drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
