I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
