Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
