My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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