The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
