Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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