We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
