The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
