Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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