I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
