you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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