I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
