Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
