I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
