I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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