I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
