No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
