When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
