I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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