My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
