I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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