How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
