Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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