hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
