I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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