He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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