I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
