See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
