I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
