Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
