You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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