Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
