do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
