I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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