i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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