i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
