What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
