he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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