Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
kristin has been a bad kristin
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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