who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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