I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she peed on how many people?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
