so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
