honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
