i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my poor anus
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
