At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
