no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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